Shades of Lovers by Catarine Hancock

Author:Catarine Hancock
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Central Avenue Publishing
Published: 2020-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

i ask

is this love?

and you kiss me

yes

and you take my heart

and it snaps

and it bleeds

and it cracks

and it breaks

and it breaks

and it breaks

and you leave

and you leave

and you leave

and i stay

and i stay

and i stay—

is this love

is this love

is this love—

well it has to be

if i’m still here

it has to be

doesn’t it?

you:

didn’t make time for me

lied to me

cheated on me

manipulated me

gaslighted me

ignored me

and when i finally broke free

you still had the audacity

to be angry about it

and make it out to be

all

my

fault.

—are you fucking kidding me?

word of advice #4:

when you think

things are starting

to go south—

and not south in a

“we’re having some

minor bumps in the road”

way

but south in an

“i can’t trust a single

word that comes out

of their mouth”

way—

take

your shit

and

RUN

at some point

i turned into a fool

who was

always in love

with someone

who was

sometimes never

in love

with me

i think in shades of red,

like colors of lipsticks

or hues of roses,

and sometimes

i see people in red, too.

one person is a ruby,

another a deep maroon,

and you were blood,

swimming in it,

it just took me too long

to realize that it was

mine.

there was a time

when you controlled

everything i did

i was held captive

by strings tied

to your fingers

even now

i don’t know what’s

more terrible:

the fact that

you saw the love i had

for you and

used it against me

or the fact that

i let you

—your little puppet

i remember / your sugarplum lips / kisses wet / like a june thunderstorm / i remember / how your hands / could leave me / static / you were that electric / we fit together / like a jigsaw puzzle / we fit together / like a key and a lock / like something / meant to be / something / good / trustworthy / permanent /

i want to know / where the wheels fell off / where the blue of your eyes / started to look more / like thunder / when did you become the end of me / i keep asking your picture / when did you decide it would be more fun / to hurt me / than to love me / does my blood taste good / is it nice and red / tell me / are you enjoying / yourself

—when something starts out being more than good and ends up being more than bad

“you were so far away,”

you said,

“what was i supposed to do?”

a sob caught in my throat

as i replied, “love me.

“you were just

supposed

to love me.”

—it wasn’t that fucking complicated

i would have died for you

and you would have let me

if it meant you would have

walked away

just fine

—you would have let me drown

i should have been the only one

i should have been the only on

i should have been the only o

i should have been the only

i should have been the onl

i should have been the on

i should have been the o

i should have been the

i should have been th

i should have been t

i should have been

i should have been e

i should have been en

i should have been eno

i should have been enou

i should have been enoug

i should have been enough

i should have been enough f

i should have

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